Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Best Job Application Question

As you know, I have been "funemployed" this summer.  Also known as unemployed.  I have enjoyed my time off tremendously.  It was a much needed and very restful break.

And now I am CrAzY. 

I don't do not being busy well.  I never have.  I get irritable and insane (sorry, Josh). 

So, I opened an account with USA Jobs (the hiring search engine and application service for the federal government) and filled out a few applications.  While answering questions for one, I stumbled across this little gem:

"Have you successfully dealt with a disruption to regular operations in a way that allowed for completion of the work or continuation of a noncritical service?"

And I laughed hysterically.  If I were to get an interview, I would have to have Josh practice with me repeatedly. 

Have I dealt with a disruption?   Where should I start?

Let's see.  I was teaching Pre-K and the class was assembled on the carpet.  We were singing some song or other about counting or the alphabet, when Sahara started projectile vomiting everywhere.  No friends, projectile vomit is not confined to The Exorcist.  It is a real, disgusting thing.  I think she hit the carpet, the tile, the bathroom floor and the toilet (the actual toilet, not in the toilet) six times before I was able to aim her in the toilet.  Then, once she was successfully dispatched to the nurse (with trash can in hand), we resumed the lesson while waiting for Mr. Bustamante (best custodian ever) to come clean up the room.

Oh bodily fluids. 

We had another day when Jeannette became suddenly and seriously ill.  She had been fine, then suddenly started vomitting on her desk.  I don't know if it surprised her or what, but there was no attempt to even reach the trash can or alert me to the onset of the situation.  But the desk is quickly vomit covered.  So, we get her headed in the direction of the nurse and I page the office to let them know that we need some clean-up action, which they assure me will happen soon.  Does anyone come?  No.  So we must vacate that part of the room and continue learning.  With the vomit congealing on the desk.  Yay.

Another time I sent a kid with a vomitty trash can to the nurse and the child went home, but the trash can was returned with vomit to my classroom.  Because I really wanted that.

Okay, I will leave the gross disruption stories for now.  Poor Josh was regaled with stories and information about lice the other night, but I think that I've probably grossed you out enough for this post.  Lesson, though?  Kids and their body fluids are gross.

Oh!  Who remembers Chucky Baby?  Remember that his mom called him, "Sexy?"  (Check the earlier posts, circa 2008, if you don't know what I'm talking about.)  Once, the kids had to create stick horses in honor of the rodeo.  A lot of my kids struggled to express themselves orally well and so we did "presentations" of our stick horses.  The presentation consisted of stating the horse's name and his or her favorite thing to do.  Most horses enjoyed eating McDonald's and playing at the McDonald's playground and there were a variety of names.  Then, little Miranda gets up and announces that her horse's name is "Sexy."  Which results in an all-out outburst from Jose aka Chucky Baby aka Sexy, who screams from the carpet, "NO!!!  HE'S NOT SEXY!  I'M SEXY!  I'M SEXY!"  What do I have to do?  Stop outburst, resume teaching, try not to laugh hysterically.

That child alone accounts for many disruptions.  At some point, he was banned from the carpet and acquired his own personal desk and chair behind the carpet.  This was accompanied by a square of masking tape in which he was required to stay during carpet time.  He could do anything he wanted in the square as long as he was quiet, participated and stayed in the square.  That is, until, we had to define "anything" to exclude putting his chair on top of the desk and sitting in it.

Hmmm...any other disruptions? 

Now my second year, I had this kid DJ who was beyond trying.  He is largely the reason that none of my future children will have any name that can be shortened into an initial plus a J.  It may even be that none of them can have a j in their name.  However, here's a positive and funny DJ story:

I'm teaching something third grade related.  It's a math lesson of some sort, nothing special really.  It's likely a multiplication review or something similarly drab.  But it's enthralling enough for DJ who stands up midlesson, raises his hand heavenward and yells, "Thank you, Jesus!  Teach it Ms. Stacy!  Yeah, Jesus!  Preach it, Ms. Stacy!"  Stifling (barely) laughter, the lesson continues.

Once I was reading a story, sitting in my rocking chair at the front of the room.  It's No David, so it's kind of an exciting story, especially when David escapes from the bathtub and goes running stark naked down the street (this is, of course, accompanied by four-year-old commentary, including, "I can see his little colita!").  But really, I'm not sure what warrants this reaction.  I'm wearing open-toed shoes (which I learn are not good for this particular job.  who knew?) and Aaron bends over mid-story and bites my toe.  Really?  What choice do I have but continue the lesson?  After, of course, the principal who happened to be observing, escorts Aaron from the room.  Whereupon he bites her.  This was Aaron's last day of Pre-K.

So many more stories.  But, for now, I am tired and will continue again in another post. 

Maybe next time I will start with lice instead of vomit. ;)  Just kidding.


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