Sunday, June 10, 2012

An Ode to Slug Death

Dear Slugs,

You are among the most foul creatures that I have encountered.  I have yet to ascertain your purpose.  I hate spiders, but they at least eat things that might otherwise enjoy my veggies.  You are merely disgusting.  And, to add insult to injury, you eat my plants.

What is wrong with you?

After my many hours of labor (and sore legs), you had the nerve to eat my lovely plants.  You killed all of the Lemon/Lime Basil and would have killed the Kitchen King Bean and Sweet Pepper had I not declared war.

Among your many ill qualities is a dislike for coffee grounds.  I liberally applied that to my plants.  You were somewhat deterred.  And yet still damaging my good plants.

I also kindly placed beer outside as a place for you to drown.  Unfortunately, the rain that drew you out also served to displace the beer.

I hate to tell you that I am not that easily defeated.  I have three classes of former students to attest that to you.  Some of them may need therapy.

But that is not my wish for you, Slugs.  My wish for you is Death.

And, thus, you forced my hand.  I did need slug bait (the kind that is wildlife safe and safe around edibles, of course).  I'm sorry, but I'm not 100% organic, props to those of you who are.

Since that day, my plants have thrived.

You were adequately warned.

Slugs, I hope your death was slow.


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